Meditation: The Importance of Transitioning
Dwight Tolliver, Ph.D.
As the calendar continues to turn, Ohio weather shows subtle signs of transitioning to Autumn. The mornings and nights are fresher and cooler, offering us more airy and breezy vibes. On the flip side, the progressive and continual loss of daytime sunlight offers a different type of angst as we slip deeper into our souls. If we allow for the sinking and synching processes, the tension between what Autumn offers and what it takes away gradually reveals itself.
As I consider the manifold layers and realms of the tension human beings experience, the following anecdote resonates:
“Once upon a time there were two countries at war with each other. In order to make peace after many years of conflict, they decided to build a bridge across the ocean.
But because they never learned each other’s language properly, they could never agree on the details, so the two halves of the bridge they started to build never met.
To this day the bridge extends far into the ocean from both sides, and simply ends halfway, miles in the wrong direction from the meeting point.
And the two countries are still at war.”
~Vera Nazarian, The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration
Unfortunately, this is an all-too-common human experience. We’re at war with each other. We’re at war with Self. Learning the art and science of transitioning holds the possibility of two different entities (two countries, two people, two parts of Self) learning “each other’s language.” To learn “each other's language,” we need to build bridges and create ladders. If not, we end up “miles” away from Self and each other.
Bridges are transitional structures used to overcome obstacles separating two distinct, yet similar, areas. A bridge overcomes rivers, ravines, and roads as obstacles. In essence, bridges offer human beings the ability to move between two places. The transition from Summer to Autumn is significant in our culture as we’re starting new classes, new schools, new schedules and new roles. Novelty is abundant this time of year. Day to day, we transition from task to task, class to class, role as a therapist to role as a director to role as a parent to role as a chauffeur. The bridges we traverse daily can seem endless on a good day, let alone the moments and days we’re dealing with extra conflict and tension (disruptive and intrusive thoughts related to horrendous Supreme court rulings or important relationships we feel stuck in or an honest conversation we’re avoiding).
As such, we need ladders as well. Ladders are transitional structures used to overcome gravity and human limitations. Ladders take human beings into qualitatively different spaces... risky, unexplored, and uncomfortable places. To learn “each other’s language,” ladders are vital mediums of connection because they reduce the risk-taking involved while climbing trees with high-hanging fruit. Ladders facilitate and enhance our capacities to be courageous as we choose to confront stuckness with an open heart and mind as opposed to avoiding and closing off. Ladders help us see options related to deeper spiritual connections and listen more deeply to others’ pains. Ladders help us make tough decisions such as changing a job at age 51 or shifting how you act toward a loved one. Autumn offers a breezy freedom to be better while understanding the depths of change are uncomfortable and challenging (and sometimes downright nauseating).
Fortunately for human beings, the practice of meditation strengthens our internal bridges and ladders. For the human psyche, transitioning is one of the most important markers of being healthy. Meditation is the daily practice of learning the art and science of transitioning. Just as bridges and ladders are structures built and created in our Environment, a meditation practice becomes a structure built and created within Self, resulting in a rewiring of brain circuitry.
During the initial moments of a meditation experience, daily stressors seem to bombard our conscious thoughts. These thoughts may shorten our breathing as we hold our inhales in our chests, giving rise to a mild panic state. Typically, it’s a challenge to transition away from short-term tasking. To the human mind at this moment, the practice of meditation seems wasteful and maybe even indulgent.
Here are possible thoughts during the initial stages:
“this is stupid”
“this doesn’t solve anything”
“this doesn’t get the laundry done”
“of yeah, remember the breathing part to this” (this is the transition back to breathing)
“the kids need a bath”
“he really said that to me today”
“the report needs to be finished by tomorrow”
“deep breath, you can do this” (another transition back)
“meditation is stupid”
As our human system transitions between tasks, sitting silently with the intention of focusing on deep breathing is challenging. Daily tasking rules and governs our emotional and mental states. We become consumed by these tasks. When the daily task transitions to the practice of meditation, we struggle mightily. We struggle because we should be doing something else and being more productive. We struggle because we’re failing at the thing we’re doing right now, which we should be able to do “right.”
Yet, failing is an inevitable outcome during the practice of meditation. To this day (after 20 years of practicing meditation), I fail every single time. And failing is highly uncomfortable for human beings.
Let’s zoom out for a second… isn’t the task of meditation, simply, to focus on deep breathing? Not exactly. There’s a difference between a task and an intention. The intention is to remain focused on deep breathing. Yet, the actual task in front of us during a meditation experience is to go through the annoying process of transitioning, again and again, from our thoughts to breathing. As we experience the discomfort of this sinking/synching process, the tension in our psyches are profound and undeniable. As such, here are some thoughts that occur as we continue to sink/synch into the tension.
“I suck at this”
“I’m failing miserably”
“but I’m laughing at myself”
“oh shit, I’m supposed to be focused on my breathing” (bridge transition back to breathing)
“I kind of like this ‘no rules’ thing”
“my hip is tight”
“breathe, Dwight” (more bridge transitions)
“I annoy myself sometimes”
As you can see, the meditation experience transitions inwardly in a more pronounced way. Human beings focus and live externally, so it makes sense that the transition into Self is challenging. Potentially, the practice of meditation brings clarity to what’s being stuffed away along with when and how human beings avoid and ignore various aspects of life. With clarity, tension mounts. Tension is uncomfortable. And growth generating. The purpose of meditation is to be uncomfortable, which is one of the primary reasons we choose not to practice meditation.
Analogously, muscles grow and strengthen from resistance training because muscle fibers are disrupted and/or damaged at the cellular level. Exposure to germs at earlier ages, on average, foster physiological benefits across the lifespan. If you’ve performed the yoga exercise of ‘Plank,’ you’ll recognize the idea that tension heightens as you resist gravity. Similarly, the practice of meditation is a type of resistance training exercise for the brain and mind-body connection.
If and when we continue to sink/synch into the mediation experience, the process becomes more nonlinear and honest. As stress and tension are activated and heightened, human beings feel and sense internal pains. We enter a different realm. Time and space are distorted. Ego and identity aren’t needed. We feel and sense the meaninglessness of daily tasking. Emotions and truths (mirrors) enter the fore of our consciousness. We create ladders. We learn “each other’s language.”
As we allow ourselves to experience the conflicts we have with ourselves and others (and Life), it’s scientifically proven that our brain changes through the practice of meditation. From a nerdy neuroscience perspective, science has shown meditation helps us perceive and interpret stress and pain differently and more robustly. We see different paths and envision more and different options, which allows us to build new bridges/ladders or repair bridges/ladders we didn’t know existed. We sense a deeper sense of fear. We feel our own pain. We have more sympathy, empathy and compassion for Self and others. We envision Choice.
(For Matrix Trilogy fans, Neo chose Trinity (the door on the left). In some ways, he chose Love. In more ways, he chose differently than ‘The One’ had chosen the previous five times. Beautiful!)
The practice of meditation is a voluntary choice. There’s no way around the discomfort, stress and pain we feel and experience during meditation. Here are some thoughts you may experience while in the time-space distortion of this realm:
“I feel sad and vulnerable”
“I’m scared to love the people I love”
“I want to love more”
“I can stay connected to my breathing while sensing these feelings” (ladder moment)
“my stomach feels woozy and irritable”
“my head is pounding with pressure… the right side”
“I can’t imagine dying”
“Breathing is Life”
“My kids are Beautiful”
“Her smile is amazing”
“His laugh is mesmerizing”
“I miss them profoundly” (connection ladder)
“I feel so much love right now”
“I’m ok :)”
“AND I can be better” (honesty ladder)
