Dwight Tolliver, Ph.D.

(Motivation is Part One of a 10 part series on ND. As a short preface that will be posted at the top of each part, ND includes the spectrum of ADHD/Autism diagnoses. Suffice to say, these diagnoses are misunderstood on manifold levels. ADHD diagnostic symptoms DO NOT include one symptom related to the subjective experience of the ADHDer. The symptoms are behavioral observations from others, perceptions of others. Diagnostic criteria for Autism focus on being “not normal” socially and behaviorally.

In my individual and group work with ND, an Untold Story emerged and one I feel compelled to share. Using the language of ND is indicative of the genetic themes within neurodiverse human beings. Neurodivergence refers to how the themes manifest specifically within a neurodiverse human being. With humility and intentionality, you’ll notice I DO NOT discuss differences only. For the different path ND traverses, there is a SIMILAR place to which the path is leading. With neutrality (not forcing) and humility (not fighting), Nature bestowed ND onto me. Thanks for receiving this Untold Story.)

Imagine two similar houses in a similar neighborhood nestled next to each other. Undoubtedly, they will share many similarities. Along with similarities, there will be surface differences between the two homes. The exterior of the homes will be different. One house may be a little bigger than the other. There will be individual differences in the landscaping, curve of the driveway, door design, etc.

If you view the houses from above, you may notice a different type of difference between the two homes. Structurally, one house may position solar panels on the roof (ND). Most likely, the other house will be powered in the more conventional way of using electrical power plants.

Similarly, solar panels and electrical power plants turn energy into electricity. Functionally, electricity in the home is similar for the structure powered by solar energy and the structure powered by electrical power plants. The different structures use electricity for lighting, air cooling, air heating, water heating, food preparation, and maintenance of clothing. As such, the two structures can discuss objective facts about general weather conditions with labels like cloudy, sunny, windy, hot, cold, etc.

Yet, the sources producing energy (electricity) in those structures are vastly different. The source for solar power is the sun (sunlight). The source for electromagnetic power is Mother Earth (fossil fuels). As source energy outputs, sunlight and coal are different on manifold levels. Even though the sun is more sustainable than fossil fuels, it’s more unpredictable on a daily or moment to moment basis. Differently, the process of electromagnetism (electrical power) is a scientific conquest and mathematical formula that can manage electricity predictably as long as fossil fuels are available (or until Mother Earth says “NO MORE” to the mauling operations.)

Subjectively, the two structures would experience the weather differently. In short, the energy in the solar-powered structure would be affected by subtle shifts in sunlight occurring daily, seasonally, and moment-to-moment. Yet, the energy in the solar-powered structure would not be as affected by intense weather conditions. Solar panels are quite durable and sturdy.

Subjectively, the two structures are having a different conversation about the weather. If they enter the encounter assuming they are similar structures, assuming they will understand each other, more times than not, misunderstanding will be the outcome. Aiming to understand is open to similarities and uses conventional statements (“The storms lately have been great!”). Aiming to Not misunderstand doesn’t make as many assumptions and may use curious questions (“What have you thought about the recent storms?”) .

A research study conducted by Radford et. al. in 2025 discussed the Double Empathy Problem, which suggested neurotypical human beings struggle to understand ND as well (note this will be explored and expounded upon in Part Five of the series). In general, the assumption has been that ND struggles to understand neurotypical people while not considering the miscommunications work both ways. The aim of the study was to highlight the reality that people and systems need to adapt to communication differences for ND people, not just EXPECTING ND human beings to adjust and adapt continually for neurotypical norms and conventions.

Misunderstandings can be disheartening. Misunderstandings pack a powerful punch to the emotional/psychological states of human beings. ND, as structural minorities, know misunderstandings well. ND is confused and deflated, and confusion is a breeding ground for unhealthy emotional/psychological states, especially Anger and Shame.

Differently, we’ll seek untold stories around similarities AND differences. Functionally and similarly, human beings are motivated to move toward homeostasis, consistency, and belongingness. Subjectively, ND takes a different path toward motivational drives such as homeostasis, consistency, and belonging.

Motivation to Move Toward Homeostasis

Over the past few years, the language of “stemming” has emerged as a way to understand understimulation within ND and has been somewhat helpful for clients to understand Self better. My clients have taught me that mental health professionals need to focus less on behaviors and more on internal experience, which is the reason we process understimulation while linking it to “stemming.” Put plainly, focusing on behavior perpetuates shame and anger because behavior of ND has been misunderstood remarkably over the years. By focusing on the internal experience of ND, we acknowledge the source of how our experience of the world differs from neurotypicality.

To elucidate, research in 2015 explored the function of physical movement, or “hyperactivity,” of ND in children. The study asserted that the movement facilitated and enhanced focus and concentration (Sarver et al., 2015). The basic function of homeostasis for the human system is to seek and maintain a condition of balance or equilibrium within its internal system. In other words, human beings want to be in harmony with Self. Poignantly, it is unhealthy for human beings’ minds and bodies to stay overstimulated and/understimulated for too long.

Structurally; ND restores equilibrium differently. Hypothetically, ND moves (primarily) from understimulation to homeostasis while neurotypical human beings move (primarily) from overstimulation to homeostasis. Let’s highlight this hypothesis by exploring the common mental and emotional state known as restlessness. Similarly and functionally, when restless; human beings are struggling to concentrate on the task or situation in front of them. As an implicit assumption and a key area where misunderstanding arise, we view restlessness as a sign of anxiety and overstimulation.

Similar to the subjective experiences of the solar-paneled and electrical power plant structures being different, restlessness is a sign of underarousal of the central nervous system and cortical grey matter of the brain for ND. Movement functions to restore homeostasis by adding stimulation for ND. Suffice to say, movement matters for ND (In Parts Two and Six, the gene associated with ND will be shared more fully). Movement adds stimulation, which restores harmony to ND.

In other words, ND is restless because their system isn’t energized enough in a particular moment, which disrupts homeostasis. Restlessness, as movement, is trying to connect to its Environment (e.g., what teachers are highlighting) even though the kid may be physically moving, doodling, or staring out the window. A ND kid may say; “When I add a little stimulation to my system right now, I can concentrate and focus more effectively.”

Of course, misunderstandings run amuck due to understimulation. Others misunderstand ND as evidenced by characterizations of disruptive, anxious, lazy, crazy, stupid, etc. As significantly, ND becomes confused. Many neurodiverse clients who stumble graciously and adorably into my office believe they’re overstimulated and overwhelmed instead of understimulated and overwhelmed. More poignantly, they are either afraid/ashamed to admit they’re understimulated or too brazen/unapologetic about “being bored.” In other words, neurodiverse human beings may not understand that understimulation is motivational energy (more in Part Two related to this).

In truth, ND may feel the need to hide the reality that certain routine tasks are understimulating even though the motivational energy is present and the tasks ARE important.. Yet, others may perceive understimulation as a signal of de-valuing those tasks. As such, this is a core source of when and how “masking” develops with ND. It seems important to note that valuing a task and being stimulated by the task are not one and the same. Without a deeper understanding and acceptance of understimulation, ND may force stimulation by jolting their systems into motivation.

For example, ND may force an existential crisis, criticize Self harshly, become angry at others or a situation, use deadlines for motivational energy, and/or delve into Self-injurious behaviors, even as innocuous seemingly as picking nails until they bleed. In fairness, neurotypical human beings may jolt Self from overstimulation as they cut corners on projects, complete tasks sloppily, judge Self/others prematurely, make quick assumptions about others, and/or label situations prematurely. For ND, oftentimes; the result of jolting is scatteredness, which will be expounded upon in Part Three.

As we continue the process of learning how to say “No” to binary options (either masking or jolting), zooming-out can sense the various spaces and rooms in which to wiggle.

When ND zooms out, the whole is experienced and the brain entertains more stimulation. In the airplane image, the experience of zooming out can be awe-inspiring. By seeing the whole, variables are added and space is created. Jolting and scattering are the antipodes of zooming-out; they mimic hyperfocus, hyperawarenss and hyperactivity, which contracts space and creates tunnel vision (Parts Seven and Eight focus on hyperawareness, hyperactivity, and hyperfocus).

Motivation to Move Toward Consistency

By definition, consistency is the feeling of being in harmony with one’s Environment and/or one’s Self. In essence, consistency refers to “firmness of matter.”. Human beings struggle when they can’t/don’t move toward consistency. An example of how human beings struggle when we don’t/can’t move toward consistency is the psychological phenomenon of cognitive dissonance, which, in short, refers to the psychological discomfort of being pulled in two or more directions. This can arise when we’re trying to hold onto contradictory beliefs, attitudes, opinions or ideas or when our actions are contradictory to our beliefs. All human beings NEED to be consistent. Not only do we need to be consistent, human beings can’t help being consistent.

As you’re gathering most likely, there are different paths toward the similar place of consistency. ND’s path is one of being internally consistent while the neurotypical path is about being externally consistent. As an example, when my daughter, Lindsay, was four years-old and learning to ride a bike, she declared “I follow my own rules, not yours” in response to my rule stating “you need to wear a helmet anytime you’re on your bike.” Instead of reacting to her declaration, I offered Lindsay a slow-motion reenactment of my head hitting the concrete sidewalk outside of our house. Her eyes got big and brain lit up as she stated, “oh, it’s about me not getting hurt; I like my head!”

Wearing a helmet became consistent with Lindsay’s internal standards. External consistency is motivated to follow rules, standards, and/or expectations derived from parents, teachers, authorities, cultural conventions, etc. Lindsay could follow the external rule related to helmet wearing once she understood the reason the rule existed and that the rule was consistent with her internal beliefs/attitudes. Internal consistency can lead to external inconsistency or external consistency.

For Lindsay, her initial protest to the rule of wearing the helmet was because she knew intuitively that her excitement of riding a bike would make her externally inconsistent regarding our helmet-wearing rule. In other words, she would remember sometimes if it was our rule only. Remembering to wear a helmet would be based on her mood, sleep, scatteredness, where she was going, etc., and internal consistency would lead to external inconsistency. Once the rule became her rule, she had a much greater chance of being externally consistent. The work with ND is to facilitate and enhance a deeper understanding of internal consistency, similarly as we did with Lindsay. Becoming aware of internal consistency creates more external consistency for ND.

Let’s pause as we acknowledge the cross roads we’re facing as we discuss internal consistency for ND. We have a Choice. Digesting internal consistency and its ripple effects throughout the human system will leave you feeling dizzy, disoriented, and nauseated. Yet, the Choice will remain. One choice is the same one we’ve made for years, which is the belief that ND is inconsistent. Furthermore, that choice entraps ND into pathology, disability, and, at best, a garden-variety character flaw. The other option is to see it through the lens of neuroscience, natural selection, polymorphism and as a structural minority difference.

(For Matrix Trilogy fans, the Choice between the red pill and blue pill was a Choice toward understanding. Neo chose to understand and see more fully when he ingested the red pill. Neo’s experience of being “freed” was disorienting and highly uncomfortable. Neo survived first, understood second, and transcended last.)

All human beings want to be internally AND externally consistent. Yet, we’re discussing this because ND is labeled as INCONSISTENT all the time. Teachers, parents, coaches, etc. use the word inconsistent routinely for ND because the focus is on BEHAVIOR in relation to external rules and expectations. Deflating, research uses this language as well and has shown, ad nauseum, that ND will perform inconsistently on various working memory tests and school-based activities involving response/reaction times. How do response/reaction times become an external standard/expectation in the first place? They do so because the majority of human beings’ response/reaction times will vary minimally. As such, the majority becomes normal, and normal becomes the standard/expectation. Unfortunately, the standard/expectation becomes the rule, which, in turn, rules righteousness. Before we know it, consistency refers to external consistency only.

The real mental health issue with consistency is when we become too firm or rigid with internal OR external standards and expectations. Put plainly, unreasonable standards/expectations means we WILL fail ourselves (internal consistency) or our Environment (external consistency) and this creates panic, confusion, cognitive dissonance, etc. Oftentime, unrelenting Self-punishment leads to burn-out, Self-destruction, and/or acting out against others. For ND and like Lindsay, we have an intuitive understanding of our internal standards. If we don’t bring the internal standards into consciousness more fully, we overcompensate and try to follow external expectations. Many of my neurodiverse clients have done this over the years, and, suffice to say, it’s not a successful long-term strategy.

Differently, the idea of slowing down seems to resonate with ND as an alternative to burn-out as long as it doesn’t remind them of the authorities and systems telling them to “calm down.” Slow-motion instant replay provides a wonderful example of how slowing down helps us find wiggle room. While watching a particular movement through slow motion, we’ll notice something we didn’t detect while watching the movement at regular speed. Paradoxically, the intentional mindfulness practice of slowing down (along with zooming out) lessens the variability in response/reaction times for ND on working memory tests. Furthermore, accuracy improves on those same tests. While zooming-out adds variables, slowing down consolidates and prioritizes the variables that matter. Slowing down can be awe-inspiring and, certainly, more revealing (Part Three will share more about when internal consistency leads to external inconsistency and how working on the awareness of internal consistency leads to external consistency).

Motivation to Move Toward Belongingness

The motivation to move toward belongingness has been highlighted and discussed in the field of psychology for many years. In fact, a vast array of psychological research speaks to its benefits, including rewards that energize the brain as well as its buffering effects against stress, depression, and loneliness. The drive to belong is similar for most, if not all, human beings. Whether it is family, friends, co-workers, or religion, people tend to have an inherent desire to belong to a place or situation for which they have an affinity.

When neurodiverse human beings work through the barrage of neurotypical assumptions (e.g., power plant electricity, overstimulation models, consistency defined externally), they are confronted with the paradox surrounding belongingness. As such, the idea of understimulation may accelerate the heart rate; internal consistency may make you dizzy; and acknowledging a different path toward belongingness may knock you on your butt.

Let’s zoom out. Belonging entails an affinity for an aspect of our Environment. As Einstein stated, the Environment is “everything external to us.” A sense of belonging in psychology has preached the idea that we belong when human beings, groups of humans, and human-made systems accept us. As such, a sense of belonging occurs when we ask for, are invited to, or are brought into a group, organization, fight, or mission. In other words, we are included and feel belongingness by inclusion. From a neurotypical perspective, this scenario makes sense.

Differently, consider the lyrics from Pearl Jam’s song, Just Breathe, which sings “I’m a lucky man, to count on both hands the ones I love.” The lyrics shed light on the purest definition of belongingness, which is from the perspective of “I” instead of “you.” The lyrics suggest belonging lies as much in the reality of “I” loving another as it is in being loved or accepted by another. From a conventional perspective, the lyrics would say “I’m a lucky man to count on both hands the ones who love me.” Controversially, this seems to be at the heart of the intrapersonal and interpersonal tension experienced by neurodiverse human beings.

Most of my neurodiverse clients state explicitly how often they’ve resisted joining or belonging to groups. For example, a common saying for ND is, “I wouldn’t belong to any group that would accept me as a member.” When we explore beyond the unnecessary fighting and/or resisting, we may understand more robustly the necessary quandary of ND, which is that Nature didn’t design ND with a similar capacity to follow systems and external expectations. Furthermore, it’s a challenge for others and systems to follow neurodiverse people.

ND needs to belong with Self by acknowledging what influences them. When an aspect of the Environment lights up a neurodiverse human being, we need to accept the motivational energy and follow the energy as we extend it to our Environment. If we feel belonging in this way, we are accepted by the Environment the moment we acknowledge, follow and extend the way the Environment lights-up and energizes its human system.

Will the world be influenced by what we share? I dunno. And. “I’m a lucky man, to count on both hands the ones I love.”

We don’t know what will happen next. We want the love to be reciprocated. We don’t need the love to be reciprocated. We won already when we felt the energy of Love and had the courage to share its energy. We belonged.